When I go to church and Sign during the song service part of worship, I do not go to have others notice me. I only Sign if I feel led to do so or if someone makes the request. There have been times I've been asked and was extremely reluctant, sluggish in the motions and unable to "perform" - usually there is someone else there able to follow the Holy Spirit's leading. There have been times when I went in with a "look at me!" mentality and messed up severely until I had an attitude adjustment.
While I enjoy Signing and it is my way to worship, I am embarrassed and confused when others approach me to tell me how it blesses them. Not only that, but I know that I still have so much training to undergo.
I feel led to go to Santa Fe, New Mexico, where there is a strong Deaf community. I can take ASL through the New Mexico School for the Deaf. I can also use the Christian counseling degree working with the church systems in Santa Fe (I've already talked to a pastor there and the Methodist superintendent -they're looking forward to our coming!) There's also Southwestern College, which offers a certification program in Child Mental Health, which I can take while attending Liberty University. I believe God is calling me to work with children and with the Deaf. I believe this is where I am supposed to go.
I have no idea how we're getting to Santa Fe or when we'll be there. I have no idea where we'll live or what employment I'll find. I'm trying to trust God to provide our way and to open the doors for us to get there. I've already posted that obedience is a hard one for me. Walking in Christ's footsteps, faithfully picking up my cross and following Him daily - it's a hard choice. This is where submission comes into play and honestly, I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can face reality and the hardships that await. I don't know if I can submit to His perfect plan and succeed on the path He's set before me. So I waiver in my fear and I balk at the future, holding myself back.
How often have you felt that gentle nudge, that leading, that pleading within and ignored it? How often have you known that something best awaits but you've told yourself that you're not ready? You can't - you still need more knowledge, more training?
Do you believe that only the equipped can serve others? That only the "experts" can understand? How many times have you had an encounter that opened your eyes or spoke to your soul?
Here's trusting in God to make a way financially, to prepare my heart, and to ready my mind to follow Him.