Please visit https://www.etsy.com/shop/NeeksNook and help us support families-in-crisis.
Now, on another note...it's the fall holiday season...which means, it's time to start decorating for the Holiday seasons...pumpkins, turkeys, scarecrows, fun...
I'll be posting our ideas over the next several weeks. How do you celebrate the fall?
Monday, September 23, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
My "Hard Stuff"
As most of y'all know, I am a single mommy. 2 gorgeous little girls, unique and their own little personalities, contained in these creative, beautiful, intelligent little vessels called bodies. Y'all know CoM has asthma. LB has seizures. Well, we discovered this past Friday that LB has mitral valve prolapse. Today she is wearing a Holter monitor to track her resting heart rate and all these other little issues she has. We're waiting, rather impatiently, to see what's causing the tachycardia. So, of course, your prayers are continued.
I'd like to give a little shout-out to my daughter, CoM: the freckle-face beauty who rocks those adorable red glasses....Yodeling: Hope you're having a blast in MS for the summer! Love you, girlie. <3
Okay, so that's part of what I'm dealing with this summer. Missing my little girl, knowing she's growing up so quickly...wanting to see pics of her summer activities.
I began volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center back in May. I'm enjoying it so far, but I'm also a little scared? hesitant? reluctant? to show my true self there - I tend to overdo the research, and I am researching various topics right now, needing to pare it down; I have a nurturing heart (okay, for those of you who REALLY know me, is that inaccurate?); I get involved with that which I'm occupied to the exclusion of all other things; I love to write (ummm, okay, my blogging history may not prove that); and I'm interested in the more medical and counseling side of things (seriously, ask my friends/family how many times I psychoanalyze them or research their "ailments"...listening - not necessarily my BEST feature!).
And finally, y'all read my post way back when about my happiness being single. Okay, well, my contentment with where I am relationship-wise. So I was thrown for a loop last night. See, this friend, who just so happens to be of the male persuasion, asked me "What does having a guy in your life look like" or something equally as frightening. Yes, frightening. Terrifying. Scary. What does having a guy in my life look like? First of all, what kind of question is that? Secondly, in what context? As just a friend? As a potential lifemate? As a friend-who-might-one-day-be-more?
Okay, so let's say that he meant, how would a guy friend fit in my life? Well, here's what I see. He wants to go pick up "the ladies" (yes, he's probably that desperate) and needs a wingman - or woman, since so many women nowadays want some kind of reassurance that the guy's not a total loser or potential serial killer. Yeah. I'm down with a few free drinks (I mean, c'mon, you invite me out so you can score and I don't get the freebies outta it?), maybe some dancing, some lighthearted fun. Or he wants to go see a movie but doesn't want to go by himself. Again, I'm down with that. We can go dutch since we're just friends and all. Or he can buy the tickets and I'll get the snacks. Action and adventure, please.
As a friend-who-might-one-day-be-more: well, we'd still go out (see above) but we wouldn't be sharing our pick-up lines with anyone else...we'd laugh, talk, play, go do stuff together...you know, friend things. And we'd see how it unfolds. He might even join us for movie nights at home or dinner. (You know, I have to try that new recipe on a different stomach. My kids will eat anything!)
And for the scariest scenario of all: A potential lifemate. Now, you might ask why does she say this is the scariest thing of all? Isn't this when life is supposed to be exciting? Isn't dating FUN? For some, yes. For me, no. I like proof. I like evidence. I like the tangible that I can see, taste, feel, smell....you get it. What is the purpose of dating? To get to know someone? You have the entire rest of your lives for that. To see if you "mesh"? Ummm, yeah, marriage takes work and compromise - the meshing is a result of the learning and growing. To have fun? See above: just a friend and a friend who might one day be more. So what might it look like to have a guy in my life? I don't know.
This is our life right now: Early mornings where I can't sleep and have been trolling the house for hours...usually I read my Bible, study a little, jump on FB (a lot), maybe even try my hand at housekeeping (LOLOLOLOLOLOL - y'all know how that goes for me!) finally getting back to sleep just as the girls are waking up and demanding breakfast, attention, MOMMY. Breakfast can be hot or cold. Some days I feel like cooking. Others, a bowl of cereal will still suit their needs. Oh, and they scarf the freshies: fruit and veggies. Yogurt. Fruit snacks. Yum. Then they do their schoolwork. They study hard and work diligently *snort* and afterwards we eat lunch: a hot meal or just a sandwich with chips and more fruit. Yup. They "dig" their fruit. Then it's free play, chores, tv. whatever floats our boat. We usually start supper around 5:30, maybe later depending on how the day's gone or if I've gotten too caught up in computer-y stuff. Oh, and that's if I've remembered to set the meat out to thaw. 'Cause if I haven't, they're prolly having another bowl of cereal. And fruit. Lots and lots of fruit. Did I mention they LOVE their fruit? Yum. Again. We usually watch an hour or two of tv during/after supper, then we read for a while, and the girls and I started reading the Jesus storybook Bible for children on Amazon Storybook Bible (with commentary and discussions on Theology interspersed). Now, that doesn't include the outside play, the running errands, the grocery shopping or the walks to the grocery store or just out and about.
So where would a guy fit in there? Honestly, anywhere he can. But then again, I really don't know. I suppose it would be nice to have a workout buddy, someone to encourage me and keep me on track in my fitness goals. It would be wonderful to have a "spiritual leader" in the home, someone to take that burden off my shoulders - not that I'm not glad to HAVE it, to shoulder it (pun intended...). It would be nice to have someone notice the attempts at cleanliness and a hot meal or someone to scarf down the food I cook without making snarky "ewww!" remarks about it (okay, I'll give a nod to my bro, who eats my cooking - he must have a cast iron stomach!). An adult to talk to? Sure - but I get my kicks in FB land...and now I'll acknowledge all my lovely ladies who I call heart-sisters. Someone to help with all the household duties? Yeah, okay, I'll give y'all that one, but as soon as I can afford it I'm finally giving in and hiring someone to come out at least 2x a week. Yes. I am giving in to the family pressure. No, I'm not marrying or dating a doctor, a lawyer or anyone else with the mega$$$. I'm hiring someone to come do the dirty work and kick my butt in gear (Again, pun intended. Man, I kill me!).
Would I like the companionship? Of course. Would I enjoy the physical side of things? Most definitely! (Hey, I've been married - and I've made my mistakes...I know how good and how bad it can be.) But what about the emotional investment? The "debt" one goes into with another person? What about the long nights when LB's had another round of seizures and ends up back in the ER? What about those nights when I'm too tired to cook and don't even talk to me about the dishes that have piled up over the course of the day? We had to eat. What if I had a bad day at work? What if he had a bad day at work? What if he wants something from me that I don't know how to give? What would it look like to give of myself and actually support or encourage a-a-a man.
I don't know. I'm terrified. I'm shaking in my boots (okay, I'm not wearing any but still). What would it be like to have someone to wake up next to, who knows all my dirty little secrets and accepts me for who I am? What would it be like to have someone else do the cooking (and not to forget my dad, who is an awesome cook btw)? To rub my back when my nerves are pinched? To give me a hug just because he knows I need one? To let me touch him just because he's mine to touch? (*gasp* - I said the "T" word...yes, *gulp*, even touching! or, even worse, the "H" word - HUGS!!!) How about someone to confide in me because he knows he can trust me and his secret is safe with me...? A partner. A mate. Someone I can grow old with.
What would that look like? What would it be like? A messy, confusing, chaotic, hectic, busy, slow, spontaneous, planned, beautiful thing. Am I ready? I don't know. But I'm looking forward to finding out.
~ Blessings ~
What is your marriage relationship like? Are you single and dating? What's the most exciting thing about this new leg of your journey? What are some things you wish you'd known before you married? What about integrating step-families?
I'd like to give a little shout-out to my daughter, CoM: the freckle-face beauty who rocks those adorable red glasses....Yodeling: Hope you're having a blast in MS for the summer! Love you, girlie. <3
Okay, so that's part of what I'm dealing with this summer. Missing my little girl, knowing she's growing up so quickly...wanting to see pics of her summer activities.
I began volunteering at the local crisis pregnancy center back in May. I'm enjoying it so far, but I'm also a little scared? hesitant? reluctant? to show my true self there - I tend to overdo the research, and I am researching various topics right now, needing to pare it down; I have a nurturing heart (okay, for those of you who REALLY know me, is that inaccurate?); I get involved with that which I'm occupied to the exclusion of all other things; I love to write (ummm, okay, my blogging history may not prove that); and I'm interested in the more medical and counseling side of things (seriously, ask my friends/family how many times I psychoanalyze them or research their "ailments"...listening - not necessarily my BEST feature!).
And finally, y'all read my post way back when about my happiness being single. Okay, well, my contentment with where I am relationship-wise. So I was thrown for a loop last night. See, this friend, who just so happens to be of the male persuasion, asked me "What does having a guy in your life look like" or something equally as frightening. Yes, frightening. Terrifying. Scary. What does having a guy in my life look like? First of all, what kind of question is that? Secondly, in what context? As just a friend? As a potential lifemate? As a friend-who-might-one-day-be-more?
Okay, so let's say that he meant, how would a guy friend fit in my life? Well, here's what I see. He wants to go pick up "the ladies" (yes, he's probably that desperate) and needs a wingman - or woman, since so many women nowadays want some kind of reassurance that the guy's not a total loser or potential serial killer. Yeah. I'm down with a few free drinks (I mean, c'mon, you invite me out so you can score and I don't get the freebies outta it?), maybe some dancing, some lighthearted fun. Or he wants to go see a movie but doesn't want to go by himself. Again, I'm down with that. We can go dutch since we're just friends and all. Or he can buy the tickets and I'll get the snacks. Action and adventure, please.
As a friend-who-might-one-day-be-more: well, we'd still go out (see above) but we wouldn't be sharing our pick-up lines with anyone else...we'd laugh, talk, play, go do stuff together...you know, friend things. And we'd see how it unfolds. He might even join us for movie nights at home or dinner. (You know, I have to try that new recipe on a different stomach. My kids will eat anything!)
And for the scariest scenario of all: A potential lifemate. Now, you might ask why does she say this is the scariest thing of all? Isn't this when life is supposed to be exciting? Isn't dating FUN? For some, yes. For me, no. I like proof. I like evidence. I like the tangible that I can see, taste, feel, smell....you get it. What is the purpose of dating? To get to know someone? You have the entire rest of your lives for that. To see if you "mesh"? Ummm, yeah, marriage takes work and compromise - the meshing is a result of the learning and growing. To have fun? See above: just a friend and a friend who might one day be more. So what might it look like to have a guy in my life? I don't know.
This is our life right now: Early mornings where I can't sleep and have been trolling the house for hours...usually I read my Bible, study a little, jump on FB (a lot), maybe even try my hand at housekeeping (LOLOLOLOLOLOL - y'all know how that goes for me!) finally getting back to sleep just as the girls are waking up and demanding breakfast, attention, MOMMY. Breakfast can be hot or cold. Some days I feel like cooking. Others, a bowl of cereal will still suit their needs. Oh, and they scarf the freshies: fruit and veggies. Yogurt. Fruit snacks. Yum. Then they do their schoolwork. They study hard and work diligently *snort* and afterwards we eat lunch: a hot meal or just a sandwich with chips and more fruit. Yup. They "dig" their fruit. Then it's free play, chores, tv. whatever floats our boat. We usually start supper around 5:30, maybe later depending on how the day's gone or if I've gotten too caught up in computer-y stuff. Oh, and that's if I've remembered to set the meat out to thaw. 'Cause if I haven't, they're prolly having another bowl of cereal. And fruit. Lots and lots of fruit. Did I mention they LOVE their fruit? Yum. Again. We usually watch an hour or two of tv during/after supper, then we read for a while, and the girls and I started reading the Jesus storybook Bible for children on Amazon Storybook Bible (with commentary and discussions on Theology interspersed). Now, that doesn't include the outside play, the running errands, the grocery shopping or the walks to the grocery store or just out and about.
So where would a guy fit in there? Honestly, anywhere he can. But then again, I really don't know. I suppose it would be nice to have a workout buddy, someone to encourage me and keep me on track in my fitness goals. It would be wonderful to have a "spiritual leader" in the home, someone to take that burden off my shoulders - not that I'm not glad to HAVE it, to shoulder it (pun intended...). It would be nice to have someone notice the attempts at cleanliness and a hot meal or someone to scarf down the food I cook without making snarky "ewww!" remarks about it (okay, I'll give a nod to my bro, who eats my cooking - he must have a cast iron stomach!). An adult to talk to? Sure - but I get my kicks in FB land...and now I'll acknowledge all my lovely ladies who I call heart-sisters. Someone to help with all the household duties? Yeah, okay, I'll give y'all that one, but as soon as I can afford it I'm finally giving in and hiring someone to come out at least 2x a week. Yes. I am giving in to the family pressure. No, I'm not marrying or dating a doctor, a lawyer or anyone else with the mega$$$. I'm hiring someone to come do the dirty work and kick my butt in gear (Again, pun intended. Man, I kill me!).
Would I like the companionship? Of course. Would I enjoy the physical side of things? Most definitely! (Hey, I've been married - and I've made my mistakes...I know how good and how bad it can be.) But what about the emotional investment? The "debt" one goes into with another person? What about the long nights when LB's had another round of seizures and ends up back in the ER? What about those nights when I'm too tired to cook and don't even talk to me about the dishes that have piled up over the course of the day? We had to eat. What if I had a bad day at work? What if he had a bad day at work? What if he wants something from me that I don't know how to give? What would it look like to give of myself and actually support or encourage a-a-a man.
I don't know. I'm terrified. I'm shaking in my boots (okay, I'm not wearing any but still). What would it be like to have someone to wake up next to, who knows all my dirty little secrets and accepts me for who I am? What would it be like to have someone else do the cooking (and not to forget my dad, who is an awesome cook btw)? To rub my back when my nerves are pinched? To give me a hug just because he knows I need one? To let me touch him just because he's mine to touch? (*gasp* - I said the "T" word...yes, *gulp*, even touching! or, even worse, the "H" word - HUGS!!!) How about someone to confide in me because he knows he can trust me and his secret is safe with me...? A partner. A mate. Someone I can grow old with.
What would that look like? What would it be like? A messy, confusing, chaotic, hectic, busy, slow, spontaneous, planned, beautiful thing. Am I ready? I don't know. But I'm looking forward to finding out.
~ Blessings ~
What is your marriage relationship like? Are you single and dating? What's the most exciting thing about this new leg of your journey? What are some things you wish you'd known before you married? What about integrating step-families?
Friday, May 17, 2013
The Hard Stuff - Part 1
Let's be honest. Life is hard. No one ever said it would be easy - unless you have the money to buy the things you want. But for those of us in the day-to-day rat-race,
it gets boring, exhausting, tiring, hurtful and wearing. We face demands on our time, our affection, our energy, our very selves - we deal with pettiness from ourselves and each other, we work with people we don't like and we find ourselves being drained daily: moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour, week-by-week...you get the drift.
Downhere has a song simply titled "Rest"; a friend of mine mentioned it and I found a link for it here: Rest - Downhere; Youtube - it is based on Jesus' Words.
What does this rest and the "peace that passes all understanding" look like? To some, it is immersing oneself in the Scriptures, the Word of God. To others, it is a certainty, a faith and trust in the promise of Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified [because of them] for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." It isa simple trust, a child-like faith, that allows them to call God our Maker by the title "Abba" - Daddy. For others, it is being in the midst of the storm and still able to praise - knowing that even the rocks will cry out to Him. It is hiding in His Shadow, in the embrace that one can imagine and sometimes even feel. It is surrounding oneself with loved ones who know how to simply be there to offer one encouragement and support - just offering self and not demanding any time. It is entering into the presence of our Father, allowing His Spirit to recharge and transform us.
It can come through meditation, putting on calming music, reading an inspirational or even a light-hearted book, enjoying a nice cup of your favorite beverage, lighting your favorite candles,
enjoying a long hot shower, soaking in the tub, or even through exercise. It can come through emptying your mind of all noise, all distractions, and filling it with lovely things, as Paul the Apostle states in Philippians 4. It can come with learning to be content and it can come with being thankful and joyful in all things. It can come with the simple (yes, there's that word again) act of forgiveness.
Jesus says, in Matthew 11:28-29 (KJV), to "28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."
We all too often labor under the misbelief that we must work towards this rest and this peace, that once our good works are done (Matthew 5:16), we'll find it - that someday "When We All Get to Heaven". But that's not what Jesus says. He says to come to Him NOW, not when you've earned it. He says to take His yoke - His lifestyle, His hopes, His expectations, His ministry, His Will (which is the Will of the Father) - NOW. He says to learn of Him - an on-going process, the learning, the KNOWing Him, but to learn OF Him can be done NOW and begin the journey. Jesus describes Himself as meek and lowly of heart. He was humble, putting His Father's Will before His own; seeking after the spiritual, mental and physical well-being of others; looking to complete that to which He had a Higher calling.
What does it mean to be meek? According to Merriam-Webster, it means:
1 : enduring injury with patience and without resentment : mild - He chose to give up His divinity and live a life on earth. He chose to bear our burdens and suffer gross abuse. He chose to die on the cross and pay the sin-debt. He did these things without resenting the race for which He suffered and died.
2: deficient in spirit and courage : submissive - while this one does NOT describe our Lord, He was submissive to the cross and to that which His Father planned. He lowered Himself from that glorious state to become as mere man.
Learn of Him and find that rest and that peace that He offers. Shall we journey together?
Over the next several weeks, or even months, we will look at the application of the above post. I will ask others to guest blog for us, so we can share our journey with them and gain their insight.
I hope to hear from people of all walks of life and learn how they handle their struggles, the day-to-day demands of their selves. And I hope that we learn, along the way, of this rest and it becomes a reality for us instead of a far-off goal to achieve or a dream that never comes true.
In Psalm 62:1 (NIV), the Psalmist states that "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."
References
Matthew 11:28-29 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=KJV
Deuteronomy 31:6 http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/31-6.htm
Psalm 62:1 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2062:1&version=NIV
Anderson, N. The bondage breaker.
Hart, A. The anxiety cure.
Hawkins, R. (n.d.) Strategy for intervention.
Merriam-Webster. 2013. Meek.
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| www.culturewars.webs.com |
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| Dr. Hawkins' Concentric Circles - Liberty University |
What does this rest and the "peace that passes all understanding" look like? To some, it is immersing oneself in the Scriptures, the Word of God. To others, it is a certainty, a faith and trust in the promise of Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified [because of them] for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." It is
It can come through meditation, putting on calming music, reading an inspirational or even a light-hearted book, enjoying a nice cup of your favorite beverage, lighting your favorite candles,
Jesus says, in Matthew 11:28-29 (KJV), to "28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."
We all too often labor under the misbelief that we must work towards this rest and this peace, that once our good works are done (Matthew 5:16), we'll find it - that someday "When We All Get to Heaven". But that's not what Jesus says. He says to come to Him NOW, not when you've earned it. He says to take His yoke - His lifestyle, His hopes, His expectations, His ministry, His Will (which is the Will of the Father) - NOW. He says to learn of Him - an on-going process, the learning, the KNOWing Him, but to learn OF Him can be done NOW and begin the journey. Jesus describes Himself as meek and lowly of heart. He was humble, putting His Father's Will before His own; seeking after the spiritual, mental and physical well-being of others; looking to complete that to which He had a Higher calling.
What does it mean to be meek? According to Merriam-Webster, it means:
1 : enduring injury with patience and without resentment : mild - He chose to give up His divinity and live a life on earth. He chose to bear our burdens and suffer gross abuse. He chose to die on the cross and pay the sin-debt. He did these things without resenting the race for which He suffered and died.
2: deficient in spirit and courage : submissive - while this one does NOT describe our Lord, He was submissive to the cross and to that which His Father planned. He lowered Himself from that glorious state to become as mere man.
3
: not violent or strong : moderate - Jesus was not violent but could definitely be strong; He spoke with authority, He spoke with wisdom and knowledge.
Synonyms of meek, which describe our Lord:
and Merriam-Webster even includes the following "related words":
acquiescent, compliant, deferential, resigned, submissive, unaggressive, unassertive, yielding; cowering, cringing,shrinking; ingenuous, naive (or naïve), plain, simple,unaffected; bashful, diffident, introverted, mousy (ormousey), overmodest, passive, quiet, reserved, retiring,sheepish, shy, subdued, timid, unobtrusive; aw-shucks,self-deprecating, self-deprecatory, self-effacing
Not all of the above words describe Jesus, nor should they describe us. He was acquiescent until the things others demanded went against what His Father laid out. He was compliant, He was deferential of others' authority, He was submissive to His Father's Will, He was quiet until a need for speaking arose. He was all these things, which only added to His own authority when He did speak. This is the authority and the certainty with which He speaks when He says "Come unto me, ALL ye that labour and are heavy laden...."
Over the next several weeks, or even months, we will look at the application of the above post. I will ask others to guest blog for us, so we can share our journey with them and gain their insight.
I hope to hear from people of all walks of life and learn how they handle their struggles, the day-to-day demands of their selves. And I hope that we learn, along the way, of this rest and it becomes a reality for us instead of a far-off goal to achieve or a dream that never comes true.
In Psalm 62:1 (NIV), the Psalmist states that "Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him."
 |
| Meditation on the Beach - basking in the Creator's glory |
References
Matthew 11:28-29 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+11%3A28-29&version=KJV
Deuteronomy 31:6 http://biblehub.com/deuteronomy/31-6.htm
Psalm 62:1 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2062:1&version=NIV
Anderson, N. The bondage breaker.
Hart, A. The anxiety cure.
Hawkins, R. (n.d.) Strategy for intervention.
Merriam-Webster. 2013. Meek.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Happy Mother's Day
Mother's Day. Another time to wax eloquent. Not this year. This year, I'm going to share briefly our home life; with who I am, personally, I've never expected gifts or a big to-do (my family may disagree, but as I've matured I've become this way) - maybe because I didn't want to burden my family or maybe just because I didn't feel as though I deserved anything.
My first mother's day I was pregnant with CoM. My oldest brother wished me a happy mother's day. Kudos for him. He scored major points with me that year. My then-husband told me I wasn't a mother and didn't deserve the recognition or honor. - points for him. My second mother's day, I actually had a baby in my arms. I was thrilled - and had already noticed that I'd ceased to be recognized for myself and was always either then-hubby's wife or CoM's mommy. By my third mother's day, my marriage was in danger and by the end of that year I would be separated.
Each holiday, each celebration time, I've felt empty, as though I'm lacking something. I'm surrounded by friends and family, loved ones, my children - and yet I always feel empty. I have cards stapled to my wall, pictures the girls have drawn me, I wear the cross necklace they bought me 2 Christmases ago. But I always feel empty.
This year, I knew the big day was coming up. I prepared. I'm working towards a 31:31 challenge, I just joined another fitness group, I dabble in Yoga and Pilates and I've ordered another xBox game that will (hopefully) challenge me and whip me into shape. (It will be here Wednesday.) This past week, I finished up my schoolwork early, stayed off FB more than usual (not at all, but didn't keep my FB window open), and actually got outside to play with the girls. LB wants to play baseball. CoM wants to play football. I have no interest in sports - or gardening, yet that's what we've done all week long. I've filled my emotional quota, my personal interactions with my children, I've volunteered at a local pregnancy center (starting Monday). I'm reading my Bible more, and wondering more and more what God's purpose is - we are supposed to glorify Him. What does that look like?
I'm being slowly worked, molded, into shape - what that final shape is, I don't know. I am at peace, and I am content, even with the storm and the questions raging inside. I recognize that I am blessed, but I am still saddened and a little lacking.
You see, I have only my children to recognize my inner beauty - only my children to recognize ME. They know how I stay up really late, working on projects, trying to finish that last school report, they know how I will lose items (misplace - it's always in the last place I look), how I hate coffee but drink it anyway and how I prefer tea - they're my tea-drinking buddies, how much I love them and how I sometimes ignore their little pleads to come and play because I get caught up in workworkworkworkworkwork - that dreaded 4-letter word that had LB asking me last week "Can't you just be DONE with work and come play with me?" This question, asked so innocently, spurred me on to take that last exam early so I would have the whole week free to focus on my children and on their needs. My children know I love to paint and create and design and they also know that I'm never satisfied with my own work - CoM asked me just last week why I can't be satisfied with just 1 or 2 stars within a game and how I'm always like that in life.
I'm messy, I'm constantly thinking, I'm wondering, I'm questioning, I'm trying to encourage my children to explore and discover life. That means that we get out the fingerpaint, and sometimes forget to put it away, spill it or over estimate how much we actually need. That means that the backyard is littered in toys, chalk-drawings decorate the walls and the ground, the garden is arranged to CoM's preference, LB knows how to turn on the water faucet (and I want to buy a pool so she'll leave the water alone!)....That means that the kitchen, which we can work so hard to get clean is immediatelymessed up lived in/used again as the girls help me measure, mix and create another yummy dessert or meal. CoM is learning independence by cooking her own dishes: Macaroni and Cheese, instant mashed potatoes, even making some of the BEST sandwiches. LB is learning obedience by seeing the consequences of not having her work done (she loses toys or watches them get tossed if they've been on the floor for more than a week).
I live a fulfilling life, I have a working relationship with my Lord, I'm NOT a perfect mommy, though my children tell me that I'm their best mommy. LB wakes in the mornings to tell me, with a sweet smile on her face, that I'm the Bestest Mommy Ever! And yes, my heart melts. I'm finally in a "place" where I am at peace.
Is there still some discontent? Yes. That is a personal issue God and I are working on - still healing all these years after my divorce. I've met women who are happily remarried and say that they still deal with issues years after the fact of their losses - little things that they hear, lies they believe for a moment, about how they're not good enough as a wife or mother, how they can't be lovable, how they're not perfect....but they tell me they've learned to stop, look around them and count their blessings, reject the lies and focus on the truth.
Are we perfect, as women? No. Are we perfect mommies to our children? No. I read a blog (I'm truly sorry, I can't remember where or I'd link to it) in which the writer stated that while we are NOT perfect women or mothers, we are perfect for our children to whom God assigned us. I am equipped or being equipped to meet my children's needs. I am learning to stand up for my children. I am examining my own heart and prioritizing my life to reflect these discoveries: my God should always come first, my health is important in the care and raising of my children, my children trump the busy-ness of life and the day-to-day monotony that we can get so distracted by, my education truly is important and there are people I am able to encourage and exhort even now.
Is it emotionally draining being on-call 24-7/365? Yes. Is it emotionally rewarding being available and accepting of the sticky hugs, sloppy kisses, constant rocking as we watch t.v. or read books together? Do you even have to ask? :)
Happy Mother's Day to all you imperfect ladies, who have faults, who fail at goals we set for ourselves or who inadvertently hurt our children by being so focused on the "mommy" stuff we forget to focus on the beings that make us mommies. Happy Mother's Day to all you who hate all children but your own. Happy Mother's Day to those worthy mommies who have adopted their precious burdens gifts, who gave up their babies for adoption, and especially those mommies who have to live with the pain of losing their babies - abortion, stillbirth, miscarriage, death or a breaking of the relationship....Happy Mother's Day to future mommies and to those mommies who haven't held a baby in their arms but are mommies to many children. You are blessings waiting to happen and that are still happening.
Take the time this week, this month, to reflect on those things that make you a mommy and consider the many ways in which you can fulfill your role as a mommy and how you can minister to your children through acknowledging them, playing with them, speaking with them, appreciating their individuality and loving them. If you don't do anything to celebrate your mommyhood, just love your children and realize that they love you, faults and all.
~ Blessings ~
My first mother's day I was pregnant with CoM. My oldest brother wished me a happy mother's day. Kudos for him. He scored major points with me that year. My then-husband told me I wasn't a mother and didn't deserve the recognition or honor. - points for him. My second mother's day, I actually had a baby in my arms. I was thrilled - and had already noticed that I'd ceased to be recognized for myself and was always either then-hubby's wife or CoM's mommy. By my third mother's day, my marriage was in danger and by the end of that year I would be separated.
Each holiday, each celebration time, I've felt empty, as though I'm lacking something. I'm surrounded by friends and family, loved ones, my children - and yet I always feel empty. I have cards stapled to my wall, pictures the girls have drawn me, I wear the cross necklace they bought me 2 Christmases ago. But I always feel empty.
This year, I knew the big day was coming up. I prepared. I'm working towards a 31:31 challenge, I just joined another fitness group, I dabble in Yoga and Pilates and I've ordered another xBox game that will (hopefully) challenge me and whip me into shape. (It will be here Wednesday.) This past week, I finished up my schoolwork early, stayed off FB more than usual (not at all, but didn't keep my FB window open), and actually got outside to play with the girls. LB wants to play baseball. CoM wants to play football. I have no interest in sports - or gardening, yet that's what we've done all week long. I've filled my emotional quota, my personal interactions with my children, I've volunteered at a local pregnancy center (starting Monday). I'm reading my Bible more, and wondering more and more what God's purpose is - we are supposed to glorify Him. What does that look like?
I'm being slowly worked, molded, into shape - what that final shape is, I don't know. I am at peace, and I am content, even with the storm and the questions raging inside. I recognize that I am blessed, but I am still saddened and a little lacking.
 |
| CoM at 6, LB at 3...my arms are full <3 |
I'm messy, I'm constantly thinking, I'm wondering, I'm questioning, I'm trying to encourage my children to explore and discover life. That means that we get out the fingerpaint, and sometimes forget to put it away, spill it or over estimate how much we actually need. That means that the backyard is littered in toys, chalk-drawings decorate the walls and the ground, the garden is arranged to CoM's preference, LB knows how to turn on the water faucet (and I want to buy a pool so she'll leave the water alone!)....That means that the kitchen, which we can work so hard to get clean is immediately
I live a fulfilling life, I have a working relationship with my Lord, I'm NOT a perfect mommy, though my children tell me that I'm their best mommy. LB wakes in the mornings to tell me, with a sweet smile on her face, that I'm the Bestest Mommy Ever! And yes, my heart melts. I'm finally in a "place" where I am at peace.
Is there still some discontent? Yes. That is a personal issue God and I are working on - still healing all these years after my divorce. I've met women who are happily remarried and say that they still deal with issues years after the fact of their losses - little things that they hear, lies they believe for a moment, about how they're not good enough as a wife or mother, how they can't be lovable, how they're not perfect....but they tell me they've learned to stop, look around them and count their blessings, reject the lies and focus on the truth.
Are we perfect, as women? No. Are we perfect mommies to our children? No. I read a blog (I'm truly sorry, I can't remember where or I'd link to it) in which the writer stated that while we are NOT perfect women or mothers, we are perfect for our children to whom God assigned us. I am equipped or being equipped to meet my children's needs. I am learning to stand up for my children. I am examining my own heart and prioritizing my life to reflect these discoveries: my God should always come first, my health is important in the care and raising of my children, my children trump the busy-ness of life and the day-to-day monotony that we can get so distracted by, my education truly is important and there are people I am able to encourage and exhort even now.
Is it emotionally draining being on-call 24-7/365? Yes. Is it emotionally rewarding being available and accepting of the sticky hugs, sloppy kisses, constant rocking as we watch t.v. or read books together? Do you even have to ask? :)
Happy Mother's Day to all you imperfect ladies, who have faults, who fail at goals we set for ourselves or who inadvertently hurt our children by being so focused on the "mommy" stuff we forget to focus on the beings that make us mommies. Happy Mother's Day to all you who hate all children but your own. Happy Mother's Day to those worthy mommies who have adopted their precious burdens gifts, who gave up their babies for adoption, and especially those mommies who have to live with the pain of losing their babies - abortion, stillbirth, miscarriage, death or a breaking of the relationship....Happy Mother's Day to future mommies and to those mommies who haven't held a baby in their arms but are mommies to many children. You are blessings waiting to happen and that are still happening.
Take the time this week, this month, to reflect on those things that make you a mommy and consider the many ways in which you can fulfill your role as a mommy and how you can minister to your children through acknowledging them, playing with them, speaking with them, appreciating their individuality and loving them. If you don't do anything to celebrate your mommyhood, just love your children and realize that they love you, faults and all.
~ Blessings ~
Monday, April 29, 2013
Our Blogging Plan
Okay, so I'm not the best blogger out there. I get too caught up in everything else we have going on. It is with the encouragement of a friend's post on facebook that I downloaded a blogging planner. I'm encouraged but I don't know how well it will go. I plan on posting 2-3 blogs a month. Yes, a month. For the month of May, we are looking at Mother's Day and Memorial Day. We'll also discuss our summer plans. In June, we'll talk about fathers and post our prayer for a daddy/husband. In July, we'll discuss relying on others for our independence and our freedom. We'll also post our Christmas inventory for the Etsy store. In August, we'll discuss that oh-so-favorite topic: Back to School! In September we'll talk about how hard we all work and some ways to take care of ourselves. In October we'll discuss fall harvest/festival and decorating for the crisp season. November will be our 30 Days of Thanksgiving. And December is our 25 Days of Christmas - our Christmas Advent posts.
For now, I leave you with this: get out there and have fun. Go DO stuff. Be creative. Be fun. Give all the glory to God and be His instruments of love and grace to others today.
What are your upcoming plans for the rest of the year? Do you like to plan so far ahead?
For now, I leave you with this: get out there and have fun. Go DO stuff. Be creative. Be fun. Give all the glory to God and be His instruments of love and grace to others today.
What are your upcoming plans for the rest of the year? Do you like to plan so far ahead?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
The Real Us?
Have y'all read the blogs and articles about the "masks" we wear? We don these veneers to hide our true selves, building walls and hedges to keep people out - to keep them from discovering our depths. We can have lifelong friendships and still hide parts of our selves from everyone.
So I was talking with an individual about my children and our love for sci-fi and fantasy. My girls absolutely have crushes on Captain America, Thor, the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Superman...They love Star Trek and the newer Trekkie movie...they haven't yet made it through Star Wars with me, though. We enjoy Stargate, Firefly & Serenity, Farscape was our late-night escape, and of course, Doctor Who.
My girls' favorite Doctor Who "thing" is "Are you my mummy?" I recently bought the Doctor Who's 50th Anniversary edition of Monopoly. LB calls it "Mono poly". We've played it 1x through and 2 tries today. Oh, and it's David Tenant's birthday. LB awakened singing "Happy Birthday to you" for him. CoM is baking a cake (her very first attempt on her own) and we're decorating it with blue icing to represent the TARDIS.
So how are we being more real? Well, I'm admitting to my faults and failings. I don't drive. My brother moved here with us to drive for us - especially with LB having seizures...CoM's asthma is under better control. I'm looking for a church family, one that preaches Christ and not "feel-good" or "pick-and-choose your religion". I'm learning more and more about myself as an individual and as to what type of counselor I will be. I'm labeling myself a "personal cheerleader", LOL.
I'm moving away from LU towards Capella; I truly think their program will better suit my learning needs and they are CACREP - and the school my dad attends as he pursues his doctorate. I will miss LU, the spiritual application to the theories of counseling and psychotherapy. I will appreciate the increase in accountability and interaction. I hope that I will be able to keep my friends made at/through LU.
I'm being myself with my FB friends - I'm also admitting that I am a Neek. Yes, a neek. My middle name on FB is now Neek.
I'm learning to prioritize: my God first, my self-care, my children: my family, their spiritual and intellectual well-being, their emotional balance, even our house has to take priority over my selfishness. Mostly it's been hit-and-miss. But I got my butt kicked into gear yesterday so it no longer looks like a tornado ripped through here. I'm looking forward to cooking this weekend. Clean kitchen, thanks to CoM, ground chuck, and I'm not sure what I'm throwing together, but I LOVE to cook and truly enjoy creating a mess in the kitchen. It's the clean-up that gets me down. But eventually I'll learn to do it with a joyful heart, right?
One of the many ways I want to be more in relationship with God is to spend more time in His Word. We have a fairly large backyard/patio area. A little table out there, some hot tea, my Bible close-at-hand...it sounds divine. Now if I can only get out of bed before the b-rats do ;)
I'm so glad we live within walking distance to several stores. I haven't made it to Michael's yet - though that was one of the first stores I scoped out for location. Sam's Club is just down the road, so my brother and I have come to an arrangement. I get to walk BY MYSELF to the store. He gets the girls ready when I call for a pick-up and I get that 30 minutes or so to myself so that I can recharge and take a small break from being mommy 24-7.
We're trying to stay ahead of the bills, especially since LB needs medical care and we're trying to get insurance for her but will end up paying out-of-pocket until we get that settled.
I keep glancing in the kitchen to see the girls covered in red velvet cake mix. CoM ran in here with her hands drenched in it..."Hey, mommy! I kinda made a mess. What does it look like to you?" Ummm, blood? Yup.
How can you be more real with yourself and with others? What are some healthy steps you can take to be more open and aware of your masks?
So I was talking with an individual about my children and our love for sci-fi and fantasy. My girls absolutely have crushes on Captain America, Thor, the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Superman...They love Star Trek and the newer Trekkie movie...they haven't yet made it through Star Wars with me, though. We enjoy Stargate, Firefly & Serenity, Farscape was our late-night escape, and of course, Doctor Who.
My girls' favorite Doctor Who "thing" is "Are you my mummy?" I recently bought the Doctor Who's 50th Anniversary edition of Monopoly. LB calls it "Mono poly". We've played it 1x through and 2 tries today. Oh, and it's David Tenant's birthday. LB awakened singing "Happy Birthday to you" for him. CoM is baking a cake (her very first attempt on her own) and we're decorating it with blue icing to represent the TARDIS.
So how are we being more real? Well, I'm admitting to my faults and failings. I don't drive. My brother moved here with us to drive for us - especially with LB having seizures...CoM's asthma is under better control. I'm looking for a church family, one that preaches Christ and not "feel-good" or "pick-and-choose your religion". I'm learning more and more about myself as an individual and as to what type of counselor I will be. I'm labeling myself a "personal cheerleader", LOL.
I'm moving away from LU towards Capella; I truly think their program will better suit my learning needs and they are CACREP - and the school my dad attends as he pursues his doctorate. I will miss LU, the spiritual application to the theories of counseling and psychotherapy. I will appreciate the increase in accountability and interaction. I hope that I will be able to keep my friends made at/through LU.
I'm being myself with my FB friends - I'm also admitting that I am a Neek. Yes, a neek. My middle name on FB is now Neek.
I'm learning to prioritize: my God first, my self-care, my children: my family, their spiritual and intellectual well-being, their emotional balance, even our house has to take priority over my selfishness. Mostly it's been hit-and-miss. But I got my butt kicked into gear yesterday so it no longer looks like a tornado ripped through here. I'm looking forward to cooking this weekend. Clean kitchen, thanks to CoM, ground chuck, and I'm not sure what I'm throwing together, but I LOVE to cook and truly enjoy creating a mess in the kitchen. It's the clean-up that gets me down. But eventually I'll learn to do it with a joyful heart, right?
One of the many ways I want to be more in relationship with God is to spend more time in His Word. We have a fairly large backyard/patio area. A little table out there, some hot tea, my Bible close-at-hand...it sounds divine. Now if I can only get out of bed before the b-rats do ;)
I'm so glad we live within walking distance to several stores. I haven't made it to Michael's yet - though that was one of the first stores I scoped out for location. Sam's Club is just down the road, so my brother and I have come to an arrangement. I get to walk BY MYSELF to the store. He gets the girls ready when I call for a pick-up and I get that 30 minutes or so to myself so that I can recharge and take a small break from being mommy 24-7.
We're trying to stay ahead of the bills, especially since LB needs medical care and we're trying to get insurance for her but will end up paying out-of-pocket until we get that settled.
I keep glancing in the kitchen to see the girls covered in red velvet cake mix. CoM ran in here with her hands drenched in it..."Hey, mommy! I kinda made a mess. What does it look like to you?" Ummm, blood? Yup.
How can you be more real with yourself and with others? What are some healthy steps you can take to be more open and aware of your masks?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
A New Year
A new year, a new life?
No, not necessarily. However, we do have a praise: we moved! We moved from Georgia to New Mexico. We left behind the old and are putting on the new.
What does that mean for our family? Well, it means that we are more dependent on one another; we have to learn to work together more than we did before...
Since LB has seizures, it also means another round of neurologist appointments and keeping track of her medication. CoM's asthma has greatly improved. She's only had 2 attacks since we moved to the higher elevation.
The air is cleaner, crisper, fresher here and while there is dust everywhere (it is mountainous desert, after all), our allergies are not as bad as they were.
We are so excited to be here!
I am still homeschooling the girls, of course, and recently ordered LB some new curriculum. We're going to try A Beka's phonics program and I bought a year's subscription to ABCmouse for her math. CoM is working on her spelling and her computer skills.
We are renting a house that has a decent-sized kitchen. Yes, I've already made a mess in it. Banana nut bread: check! Indian tea? check. Cookies? not yet, but soon. Scones? No, not yet. I know, I'm slipping! Sugar biscuits, buttermilk biscuits, yummy-yummy-yummy biscuits? check. I took these crescent rolls and stuffed them with strawberry preserves and cream cheese. They were a hit in the house. :) I've also used strawberry cream cheese and just strawberry jam. It's all good. Makes for a fairly quick breakfast or even a nice during-the-day treat.
CoM is learning to cook. She can boil water (don't laugh - my aunt can burn a pot of water!), make instant potatoes, macaroni & cheese, hotdogs, sandwiches, and she can even start the harder dishes or cook rice (with supervision, of course. ***Disclaimer: always supervise your children in the kitchen, around the appliances and the sharp objects or glassware.***). Her all-time favorite, though, is just throwing fruit together and serving a fruit salad or providing a selection of healthy choices. *sniff* I'm so proud! :)
Speaking of...I'm getting hungry! It's almost supper time here - we haven't quite adjusted to the two-hour time difference yet.
So what does that mean for our creative selves? Well, not much has changed. I'll post some new and familiar designs later. CoM actually has someone who will teach her to knit AND dance (thanks, Dee!). LB has children with whom she can play.
And what do I have? My God, my children, my family, a job I love, school studies...
So how is your new year shaping up?
No, not necessarily. However, we do have a praise: we moved! We moved from Georgia to New Mexico. We left behind the old and are putting on the new.
What does that mean for our family? Well, it means that we are more dependent on one another; we have to learn to work together more than we did before...
Since LB has seizures, it also means another round of neurologist appointments and keeping track of her medication. CoM's asthma has greatly improved. She's only had 2 attacks since we moved to the higher elevation.
The air is cleaner, crisper, fresher here and while there is dust everywhere (it is mountainous desert, after all), our allergies are not as bad as they were.
We are so excited to be here!
I am still homeschooling the girls, of course, and recently ordered LB some new curriculum. We're going to try A Beka's phonics program and I bought a year's subscription to ABCmouse for her math. CoM is working on her spelling and her computer skills.
We are renting a house that has a decent-sized kitchen. Yes, I've already made a mess in it. Banana nut bread: check! Indian tea? check. Cookies? not yet, but soon. Scones? No, not yet. I know, I'm slipping! Sugar biscuits, buttermilk biscuits, yummy-yummy-yummy biscuits? check. I took these crescent rolls and stuffed them with strawberry preserves and cream cheese. They were a hit in the house. :) I've also used strawberry cream cheese and just strawberry jam. It's all good. Makes for a fairly quick breakfast or even a nice during-the-day treat.
CoM is learning to cook. She can boil water (don't laugh - my aunt can burn a pot of water!), make instant potatoes, macaroni & cheese, hotdogs, sandwiches, and she can even start the harder dishes or cook rice (with supervision, of course. ***Disclaimer: always supervise your children in the kitchen, around the appliances and the sharp objects or glassware.***). Her all-time favorite, though, is just throwing fruit together and serving a fruit salad or providing a selection of healthy choices. *sniff* I'm so proud! :)
Speaking of...I'm getting hungry! It's almost supper time here - we haven't quite adjusted to the two-hour time difference yet.
So what does that mean for our creative selves? Well, not much has changed. I'll post some new and familiar designs later. CoM actually has someone who will teach her to knit AND dance (thanks, Dee!). LB has children with whom she can play.
And what do I have? My God, my children, my family, a job I love, school studies...
So how is your new year shaping up?
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